


Stronger

by MovingOn1 (orphan_account)



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:28:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26808892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/MovingOn1
Summary: Everyone worries about Ian and his bipolar disoder-for a very good reason. But hardly anyone worries about Mickey, or realize how much anxiety he actually has. Until he has an anxiety episode, and tries to kill himself.TW-Suicide attempt
Relationships: Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Comments: 4
Kudos: 29





	1. Chapter 1

_Just because I really don't think they do enough on Mickey's mental health. And I'm pretty sure the poor man has anxiety_

* * *

It was after the manic episode Ian had where he almost hit Debbie with the baseball bat. And after the doctor's appointment. Mickey had laid in bed, next to his boyfriend-with his chest feeling heavy. He was having difficulty breathing as he tried to grasp what exactly was going on. He couldn't get Ian's panicked face out of his mind. Thoughts being to whirl around him.

_What if Ian had hit Debbie?_

_Or Fiona?_

_Or even Frank?_

_What if it escalated, and they had to call the cops?_

Mickey was almost hyperventilating now. Ian was passed out due to the sleeping medicine that was given to him. Milkovich sat up, and tried to regulate his breathing. 

Deep calming breaths. Quietly he stumbled to the kitchen to grab some beer. He was so lightheaded...

With shaking hands he somehow managed to light a cigarette. Sitting his mind continued to show Ian in paralyzing fear over, and over again. 

_Ian passed out because of his depression_

_Ian in the hospital for cutting his wrists because of his illness_

The last one thoroughly jarred Mickey.

"No," he muttered, as he stood up, muttering to himself. "No, I won't fucking let that happen.No..."He knelt down, and quietly began to sob into his lap.

What wasn't he doing that wasn't working? Why couldn't he make Ian's problem go away like he did with the others?

He must be doing _something_ fucking wrong.

Milkovich thought of the hospital, and checking Ian in. Maybe that was for the best, but that also meant that Mickey probably failed. That all of this was over his head. And Ian was suffering because he couldn't fix it.

"Worthless," Mickey muttered. Something his father would say under his breath, almost everyday. "Worthless piece of _shit."_ He took another swig. "Fucking worthless," he continued to mutter. "Ian could be _dead_ because of you."

He eyed the kitchen knives on the counter. 

Without truly thinking he grabbed one them, and then stared at his wrists.

He needed to punish himself first, for failing Ian. Then he'd take Gallagher to the hospital

* * *

Ian woke, frowning at the empty spot next to him.

"Mickey?" The house was still quiet and he checked the time. It was 4 am. Slowly he stumbled down the stairs, and turned on the light.

He blinked several times, and then froze at what he saw.

Mickey on the floor, with blood pouring from his wrists...In almost the _exact_ position his own fucking mother was at.

" _MICKEY_." He cry woke the house, causing Finoa and Debbie to come stumbling downstairs.

"Oh my God!" Fiona cried out, "Debbie call 911!"

She raced to Mickey's body as Ian was trying to press down on the blood.

"Why, Mickey?" Ian asked, tear stained. "Why?"

Mickey opened his eyes long enough to utter three words, before passing out.

 _"I'm sorry, Ian._ "

And then everything went black...


	2. Chapter 2

Ian sat next to Mickey's hospital bed, staring at him being handcuffed to the bed. Tears spilled from his eyes, as he lowered his head.

"Why, Mickey?" He whispered. Fiona sat next to him, and rubbed his back.

"It'll be okay, sweet face," she mumbled. He stared at her, his face almost blank.

"Mickey is fucking _handcuffed_ to the bed, because he tried to _fucking kill himself_ _!_ It's NOT fucking okay, Fiona!"

Fiona swallowed, and still held onto Ian.

"Why would he do this to me?" Ian whispered. 

"That is what we are trying to figure out." One of the doctors came into the room, with a clipboard. "We have been trying to figure out why someone with zero history of mental health would try and kill himself. Has he been under any extra duress?"

Ian swallowed as he thought of his own mental health.

"Fuck," he whispered. "Yeah, he has. I've been...uh diagnosed with bipolar disorder recently. It's been really freaking Mickey out."

The Doctor hummed, and nodded.

"Has he had any emotional support during this?"

Ian glanced at Fiona-who looked guilty.

"We've been so concerned over Ian," sighed Fiona. "Mickey was seeming to have things under control..."

The Doctors glanced at each other and Ian spoke up.

"His sister Mandy...He's able to sometimes talk to her. But yeah...I haven't been that great about asking him how he's been doing. I've been...too busy being depressed, I guess."

"Our mother," Fiona spoke up, trying to defend herself. "Our mother has bipolar, you see. And she's had suicide attempts. So we were on suicide watch for Ian-basically. Trying to get his meds regulated. Trying to treat him from home...That must be have been a lot of pressure on Mickey..." Her voice trailed off and the Doctor sighed.

"I think you two figured it out on your own. Trying to help a loved one with mental health can seem like an overwhelming task. He has probably been over his head with it for a long, long time. But when it's your loved one, your family, you hide a lot of your own suffering. He probably didn't want to be a burden to anyone else."

"Because I was too much of a burden, already," Ian muttered, looking angry. "Fuck, is there anything we can do to help him?"

"Share the load?" The Doctor suggested quietly. "Not lay it all on him to help you out, Mr.Gallagher. You _both_ are going to need help with this."

Ian swallowed.

"Do you think I should check myself into a hospital?"

"That will certainly ease the load from him," the doctor agreed. "And might make him less anxious, worrying about you. If he knew you'd be at least safe."

"But what about Mickey?" Ian pressed. "Shouldn't he be going to the hospital, first?"

"You both could," the doctor told him. "It might have to be seperate hospitals, though. Yes, he probably should go to the hospital first. In fact, it might even be required by law. For your case, however it's up to you."

"I want...I want to be there for Mickey," Ian insisted. "I want him to go, first. I can handle my own disorder. I just....can't fucking _lose_ him."

"Ian, are you sure?" Fiona asked, desperatly, and a glare from him got her to fall silent.

"All right, I'll have him be involuntarily checked into the mental ward," the doctor told Ian.

Ian nodded, relief in him as he held Mickey's hand.

"Just stay with me, Mickey," he begged. "Please. Just fucking stay with me. I can't...I can't lose you. I love you too much."

With those words he finally broke down, sobbing, as Fiona held him-and rocked him-while they waited for Mickey to wake up. 


End file.
